List 04 14 2010

So I can't seem to decide what I want to say so I am just going to make a list.

1. starting wheat/free gluten free diet - found a flourless chocolate cake. Oh right - I also can't eat chocolate.

2. no tomatoes, citrus or carbonated beverages. or coffee. this combined with the above equals no pizza, no spaghetti and kind of makes it pointless to hang out in coffee shops.

3. not balancing my checkbook, tracking points/calories or working on a spending plan. sounds like I am not very motivated these days.

4. not exercising...much. walking some, enough to make my ankles sore, but not enough to stop my ankles from being sore every time.

5. reading other people's blogs and getting ideas

Mirrors

Mirrors - you can look and see only what you want to see, or sometimes, when you are not expecting it, you just really see. I see myself. I see myself in a bigger size body than I want, bigger than it was. I see myself in other people. Today I saw other people with problems like mine. People with more experience, strength, and hope than I have today. People I might learn from if I can just calm down and listen.

I see myself in my family. Good, bad, it's all there. I can't be critical it's all me.

I see myself leaving. Leaving a place I don't want to be, not listening any more when it's just too much, leaving and saying I just can't do this anymore and walking away.

Now comes the hard part - I need to stay away.

Quitting is easy. I've done it hundreds of times. It's staying stopped - that's the real trick.