November and things are looking up

I was reading my post from April when I was first told I must follow a gluten free diet.
I accidentally consumed a small amount of gluten the other day - my mistake, I did not know what orzo was and ate it. Turns out it is like pasta, with wheat. Dang.

After being really sick the next day, and feeling almost totally back to normal now, I am grateful for how far I have come and realize that in spite of what I think every day, things really are looking up.

I used to be that sick all the time. I went to work most of the time anyway, but felt just horrible. I feel so much better now. I don't think my health is at 100% but it has improved a lot since I started eating gluten free.

I applied for 3 jobs at work since August and was turned down. The most recent rejection was 4 days ago. Almost enough to make someone want to give up. I mostly like my job and I just need to figure out how to like it more and how to just stay put for a while.

Happy Anniversary to me, I have been sober 10 years and 5 days.

It's November 2010 and I am grateful for many things in my life. Sometimes I let worries and fears get in the way of just enjoying my life! I want to stop that.

Now we go into the season of birthdays and holidays in my family. I intend to focus on needs rather than wants right now and spend more time reading, relaxing, and enjoying the time I spend with my friends and my family.

List 04 14 2010

So I can't seem to decide what I want to say so I am just going to make a list.

1. starting wheat/free gluten free diet - found a flourless chocolate cake. Oh right - I also can't eat chocolate.

2. no tomatoes, citrus or carbonated beverages. or coffee. this combined with the above equals no pizza, no spaghetti and kind of makes it pointless to hang out in coffee shops.

3. not balancing my checkbook, tracking points/calories or working on a spending plan. sounds like I am not very motivated these days.

4. not exercising...much. walking some, enough to make my ankles sore, but not enough to stop my ankles from being sore every time.

5. reading other people's blogs and getting ideas

Mirrors

Mirrors - you can look and see only what you want to see, or sometimes, when you are not expecting it, you just really see. I see myself. I see myself in a bigger size body than I want, bigger than it was. I see myself in other people. Today I saw other people with problems like mine. People with more experience, strength, and hope than I have today. People I might learn from if I can just calm down and listen.

I see myself in my family. Good, bad, it's all there. I can't be critical it's all me.

I see myself leaving. Leaving a place I don't want to be, not listening any more when it's just too much, leaving and saying I just can't do this anymore and walking away.

Now comes the hard part - I need to stay away.

Quitting is easy. I've done it hundreds of times. It's staying stopped - that's the real trick.

Too many funerals

It's only the beginning of 2008 and I have gone to 2 funerals this week. I also went to one a couple weeks ago.

It's not that I did not want to go, and all three of the people who passed away lived long lives. Even the two funerals I missed were for people who lived to be over 100! Tanya's dad, and my great aunt Marj - they both passed away before the holidays in Nevada and I was not able to go there.

It's just that it's kind of draining, emotionally, even if you don't know the person well (Leslie's dad - I did not know him but I went for her) or if you knew it was coming soon.

I felt like I just wanted to make it through the service, then leave. Now.

I was thinking of my brother's funeral, and also about my parents - they might live a long time, but you never know. I'm just kind of exhausted.

MPR - 10 years of blogging

So, I was listening to MPR the other day on the way to work and they said blogs have been around for 10 years.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah - being a mom, working, going to meetings, changing jobs/careers, going to school, leaving school...Moving.

I like listening to MPR on the way to work. Early. In the morning. At 6:30 am. If I am on time. Yikes I never thought I would be able to handle going to work so early. I am actually on time most of the time, which was not so true when I worked at 8:30 am 8:00 am or 9:00 am. Maybe I am being more responsible. Or maybe just complete and total fear of losing a decent job by being late or absent too much has forced me to get out the door more or less on time.

Back to MPR
They did this "audio blog" thing that was extremely weird, all this talking in the background, interruptions, scrolling - but hey it was interesting and very creative. And it made me think that I have been missing something by not reading blogs.

I read stuff on MySpace that people put on their pages, I guess those are blogs.

I read my kid's blogs on MySpace.

Maybe I am just spying on her.

Being the mom to a teen can be - well - let's say it's a learning experience in how to be supportive, honest, a good example, patient and tolerant. How to navigate that line between what I did and how I behaved and how I hope she behaves and how she manages through all the teen stuff without sounding like a total hypocrite - it's not easy.

Am I a good example or just a horrible warning?
(thanks for the line, khc)

Ok outta here. This was kind of fun. Maybe I will try this again.
ta ta for now
Kitty