November

September, November...well we are going to be in Ethiopia for about a week in mid-November. This is just a quick update.

I hope we fly through Amsterdam. Just because.

Too many lists now, lots of things to do.
Shots and Paperwork and Visas Oh My!

I'm grateful to have more definite dates and information. Now those butterflies in my tummy can just simmer down please, everything will be all right.

More news to come.

Getting closer to Africa

I got my passport in the mail last week. That was weirdly fast.
I was told 4 to 6 weeks several times.

I've been reading some news about Ethiopia. It is usually the rainy season right now but there is a drought. I checked to see if the plan is still to go there in September, and found out that we should have the dates later this month. This is getting pretty real. Thanks to my mom and everyone who has made suggestions on where to find information.

Physically I am still nervous and unsure about my readiness for travel. Since May 1st my knee has been sore and swollen. It's getting better with physical therapy but it is a constant reminder to me that I don't feel ready for this...ready for walking around in airports, sitting on a plane for many hours, travelling to another country. I am pushing myself to get to the YWCA more days than not, and still fall short of my goal.

Swimming in a lake felt really good, dancing for the first time in a long time at a friend's wedding reception felt good My knee needed some ice afterward but it felt good to move around and feel a little more normal again.

I found out that a friend of mine is from Ethiopia, not far from where we are going! That is exciting to me...I have so many questions I don't know where to start.

Financially I am beginning to feel a bit more prepared for the trip but still nervous. I feel like I am back to basics, watching my spending very carefully, becoming more aware of what is coming in and going out.

This new blank empty passport looked very odd to my daughter. She went to France last year so her passport looks used and real and full. I want to see my old Passport again and show it to her - the one my siblings and I had in 1969 when we moved to Guam. I think that one looks like a "real" passport.

Africa.

Ethiopia in September.

I have a lot to learn.

I applied for a new passport today. I tried about a week ago and found out the Midtown service center no longer issues passports. Now I remember reading about that but I forgot all about it.

I went to another center this morning. I thought I had everything I needed, but I left my birth certificate at home. When I got home and looked at it I was remined of my last trip, September of 2000, a lifetime ago. I had to have certified copies of my birth certificate for a work trip to Cuernavaca. The birth certificate copies have to be certified, they have to be stamped with the state seal. I was supposed to go on that trip with a group and ended up going alone when the other teachers resigned and the group leader was not allowed to board the plane because he had a photocopy and not a certified copy.

I'm very glad I ordered extra copies of the birth certificate for the Mexico trip so that I could attach one to my application today. I had a few moments of true frustration today. Drive home to get the missing paper, take and retake the passport photo, write 2 checks, correct a few things on the application, remind myself this is all part of the process.

Now wait 4 to 6 weeks, and hope it does not take that long.

I've been reading articles online about Ethiopia and the need for clean water and sanitation. I have a few new things to worry about and more things to do ~ make travel medicine appointments, get my swollen knee checked out, make sure we have all our meds refilled. I know we will not sleep in tents, we will have a couple of long plane flights and will need medicine to prevent malaria. Madeline was happy to find out that one of her acne meds is also an anti-malaria medication so she's all set.

We went to Lucy's Ethiopian Restaurant for lunch. There are a few Ethiopian restaurants close by and at least 2 Ethiopian grocery stores.

I remembered reading about teff, a gluten free grain used to make injera. The injera at the restaurant is not gluten free, but our server said that in Ethiopia, the injera bread is made with only teff and no wheat. Maybe I'll have a chance to try it somewhere else here before the trip.

The lamb dish I had was pretty good, a little spicy. My daughter liked her food, it was very similar to a middle eastern dish she likes.

I'm aware of my spending, my debt. I don't feel prepared for this. We were at Target and saw some luggage for sale pretty reasonably priced. I don't want to buy a lot of stuff for the trip, but I'm going to have to get at least a few things. It was suggested that we could each get a couple of sets of fishing wear at a place like Cabela's, light weight pants and tops we can wash in the sink overnight. Wear one, wash one.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

We are getting excited. The issues we had today with the passport remind us that there will be more unexpected things along the way. Time to be open to learning a lot of new things, be flexible and adaptable to whatever happens and to let go of the idea that we have any control over this. I want to appreciate the time I have with my daughter and not get upset about little things.

Gratitude.

I'm grateful we are going later rather than sooner, that my passport application is in the works, that we got the call and we have a pretty definite plan for where we are going and when.

Amazing.

I hesitate to say what will happen next, I really want to experience all of it and not spend time thinking a lot about yesterday or tomorrow. I will be a traveler, not a tourist. I will allow myself to feel all the feelings along the way and know that we will be taken care of as we do this. Yes. We said yes. My daughter asked me today if I was glad I said yes. There is fear, there is worry, there is all the unknown, and still yes. I am glad we said yes.

I won a trip. This will be interesting.

So, crazy true story.

Here I am, just minding my business and also writing a note to myself that I need to change my life.
Lo and behold my life is about to change.

Careful what you wish for, I've been told.

I don't want to jinx it; not sure how much I can say or whatever, but I won a trip to another country and my daughter will be my guest. I will miss some work, she will miss some school, we will pay some taxes.

First reaction - I can't do this. This is not me, just up and taking off to see the world. I can't afford it. I don't even have a current passport. I have food issues, what will I eat anyway, nope I can't go. Oh, and my knee has been bothering me. Nope, can't go. I don't have enough vacation time at work. No way. Gotta stay here in my current not all that exciting life and miss out on this.

But wait...
So I posed the question to my facebook friends. What would you do?

Then I waited.

GO.
I would not give it a second thought.
Take a chance.
GO.
Trip of a lifetime.

I better talk to my most trusted friend and advisor.
She said sounds like fun. GO.

I better ask my mom. I mean, I'm 50 years old, but still I better ask my mom. She's the traveler. She's been all over the world. She will know THE ANSWER.

GO.

Good Orderly Direction...seems to be guiding me and helping me feel the fear, and do it anyway. The papers are notarized, I need to send them tomorrow and then wait.

WAIT?

Yes. I will be patient and let go of control. I have some plans, I have to get the passport, I need to teach someone my job (parts of it anyway) and I need to work on limiting my spending for now so that I will be prepared.

Careful what you wish for.

November and things are looking up

I was reading my post from April when I was first told I must follow a gluten free diet.
I accidentally consumed a small amount of gluten the other day - my mistake, I did not know what orzo was and ate it. Turns out it is like pasta, with wheat. Dang.

After being really sick the next day, and feeling almost totally back to normal now, I am grateful for how far I have come and realize that in spite of what I think every day, things really are looking up.

I used to be that sick all the time. I went to work most of the time anyway, but felt just horrible. I feel so much better now. I don't think my health is at 100% but it has improved a lot since I started eating gluten free.

I applied for 3 jobs at work since August and was turned down. The most recent rejection was 4 days ago. Almost enough to make someone want to give up. I mostly like my job and I just need to figure out how to like it more and how to just stay put for a while.

Happy Anniversary to me, I have been sober 10 years and 5 days.

It's November 2010 and I am grateful for many things in my life. Sometimes I let worries and fears get in the way of just enjoying my life! I want to stop that.

Now we go into the season of birthdays and holidays in my family. I intend to focus on needs rather than wants right now and spend more time reading, relaxing, and enjoying the time I spend with my friends and my family.

List 04 14 2010

So I can't seem to decide what I want to say so I am just going to make a list.

1. starting wheat/free gluten free diet - found a flourless chocolate cake. Oh right - I also can't eat chocolate.

2. no tomatoes, citrus or carbonated beverages. or coffee. this combined with the above equals no pizza, no spaghetti and kind of makes it pointless to hang out in coffee shops.

3. not balancing my checkbook, tracking points/calories or working on a spending plan. sounds like I am not very motivated these days.

4. not exercising...much. walking some, enough to make my ankles sore, but not enough to stop my ankles from being sore every time.

5. reading other people's blogs and getting ideas

Mirrors

Mirrors - you can look and see only what you want to see, or sometimes, when you are not expecting it, you just really see. I see myself. I see myself in a bigger size body than I want, bigger than it was. I see myself in other people. Today I saw other people with problems like mine. People with more experience, strength, and hope than I have today. People I might learn from if I can just calm down and listen.

I see myself in my family. Good, bad, it's all there. I can't be critical it's all me.

I see myself leaving. Leaving a place I don't want to be, not listening any more when it's just too much, leaving and saying I just can't do this anymore and walking away.

Now comes the hard part - I need to stay away.

Quitting is easy. I've done it hundreds of times. It's staying stopped - that's the real trick.